Our Writers Group in Leyburn is joining forces with the Wensleydale Railway(the local heritage railway) to produce a booklet on the theme of trains (especially steam) which we hope to sell through their train shops.
I am writing and illustrating a section for children and here is the first draft of one of my poems.
It is for older children/ early teenage and for full impact is meant to be read out loud.
Advice and comments, please!
A Train is a...
silence taker
ground shaker
choo choo tweeter
coal eater
smoke maker
soot baker
steel stunner
people runner
carriage tugger
track hugger
piston squawker
tunnel corker
ear popper
traffic stopper
brake screecher
station reacher
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It's an excellent poem Denise (I read it aloud)and I also think it will appeal to pre-teenagers too. Best wishes. Lesley
ReplyDeleteHi...You should add next sound.
ReplyDeletesyu, syu, po, po
best wishes...
Great idea!Super poem. Great outloud. Found choo choo tweeter a bit odd myself, but I don't know...
ReplyDeleteGood one.
On rereading it I wondered, should the last two lines be reversed? Hm.
ReplyDeleteI like it Denise - hope you will be at the meeting on Wednesday. What I like about it is thatit echoes the sound of the train as you read it out loud.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking time to read my poem and for all your comments - very much appreciated.
ReplyDeletemasa -thats a brilliant idea of yours, thanks! Its a great way of finishing off the poem.
Dominic -I agree the last two lines would work better reversed - thanks for pointing it out.
I'm also not sure about "choo choo tweeter".
I simply wanted to convey all the different sounds on a train journey in some sort of way.
Dear Denise,
ReplyDeletethanks for all your kind words!
Your blog also inspire me as I am a big fan of woodcut and similar things...I like them most in black and white...and sometimes with one or two colours...:) and that bed on the pic of your holiday house, one day we will visit your place ofcourse if we are close! ;)
I come back for sure here on your blog.
Keep up all the creativity and good luck with the poems! My english is too bad to help you I guess :)
x Kathy
Even though the words are rhythmic and pertinent, but it just didn't seem complete. Using your words, I have tried to come up with what I would like to believe describes the subject in a bit more detail and somewhat completely, with the hope that you would like it. As I just discovered your blog yesterday, hence I am not really in a position to do anything about timeliness. Still, with the hope that you would find it useful rather than not.
ReplyDeleteLong and winding, a mechanical silence taker
articulated carriages working as a ground shaker
rupturing the quiet, a choo choo tweeter
with a fire in the belly, a coal eater
with a heavy breath, a smoke maker
with an inferno inside, a soot baker
of metallic origins, a steel stunner
with numerous cabins, a people runner
colossus of an engine, a carriage tugger
with its length and size, a track hugger
fire and water forming a piston squawker
gargantuan in size, seems a tunnel corker
not polite in manner, but an ear popper
shattering the peace, also a traffic stopper
with a massive haulage, a brake screecher
yet with it snags, still a station reacher
Take care.